HELLO! HOW DO I SET BOUNDARIES IN MY LOVE LIFE? ISN’T THAT RUDE?
Authored By Alveena Yousaf
The feeling that holds individuals together and keeps us connected to one another is love. You see, love is crucial for us humans because children depend on adults for a long time in order for them to learn how to survive and develop skills for a successful life in this world that we live in. It is tough to fathom how we humans could have evolved without love. Romance however requires boundaries: fictitious lines that divide you from others. They segregates you from others in terms of your obligations, wants/needs, emotions and physical space. Your boundaries educate others how they can treat you - what is and is not tolerable. People may take advantage of you if you don't set boundaries regarding how you wish to be treated. Hence, they are - or at the very least, should be - present in all healthy relationships. Naturally so, our relationships cease to be healthy unless clear boundaries are created and followed. These make it easier to understand where you and your partner begin and end. When each partner understands and agrees to abide by these boundaries, they work in your favour.
HERE ARE SOME TIPS THAT WILL HELP YOU TO CREATE & MAINTAIN HEALTHY BOUNDARIES:
Before creating and setting boundaries, evaluate why they are so important for you and how they could possibly help you. Boundaries help maintain a balance between you and your significant other, hence are an important part of a relationship. They help reduce conflict. You and your partner can become closer as boundaries are set through an open dialogue.
Transparent communication is essential in every healthy relationship. Being honest about what you are and are not comfortable with can clinch that both of you know what you want from each other.
Let your partner know your thoughts and how you are feeling without any hesitation. Whenever you are sharing your thoughts and feelings with your significant other, always be honest but deferential. It is not always easy to explain how you are feeling at a given time or what you are thinking about and that is okay. It is okay to ask for some time to figure it all out.
But remember, relationships are a two way track, thus you must listen and discuss the boundaries your partner(s) want to create. At the end of the day, in a relationship you should be able to be vocal about everything, but how you express it is extremely important.
Due to the current state of the allegedly post-covid world, if you two are spending plenty of time together, make sure you talk about when you need time apart. Setting time aside for yourself is just as vital as spending time with the person dear to you. Indulge in different activities such as learning a new language, working out, painting, exploring different areas, watching movies ,etc.
Surely, with trial and error, you'll discover the best boundary creating and implementing mechanism. So, adios and happy boundary building!