HELLO! I’M SCARED OF SEEKING DIVORCE BECAUSE MY KIDS WILL CALL ME A HOMEWRECKER. WHAT SHOULD I DO?
Authored By Rania Masood
‘Half of all marriages end in divorce- and then there are the really unhappy ones’ wrote Joan Rivers. This statement places great emphasis on empty shell marriages and how divorce is sometimes quite inevitable and much preferred to the alternative of remaining in an unhappy marriage. Hence, shedding away the stigma attached to divorce, especially in our society.
When the very thought of divorce first comes to mind, you should never brush it off and hence, disregard your feelings. Instead, you should mull over the reasons why the very thought first came to mind and if the obstacles in your relationship are capable of being solved if you were to work towards them as a united front with your partner. If the difficulties in your relationship are even remotely capable of being resolved you should consider going to couples or relationship therapy. However, if that is not the case and any compromise is beyond reason, one should focus on their mental health and well-being, opting for what is the best decision for them. Whether that is divorce or separation.
In the case of children, each situation differs in accordance to the age and dynamic of the children and family. Through research and observation, it has been proven that the most adequate age for a child to go through a divorce is when they are young. This is because kids who are three years old or younger do not have much cognitive function yet and hence would not have fond memories of their parents together. It is, therefore, easier for them to accept the separation of their parents and they are not as impacted by it compared to older children such as teenagers. Nevertheless, older children are more mature and comparatively more capable of understanding the situation and reasons for divorce as it has become quite the norm in modern industrial society, with social stigma against divorce slowly but surely deteriorating. Hence, older children are likely to be more accepting towards divorce if explained the circumstances surrounding it openly and clearly.
Another important factor is having a united front with your partner. A mutual divorce where all decisions regarding custody and division of property can be taken amicably is much preferred, where the parents can address the kids as a united front which helps them process these events much better. Moreover, it makes custody battles much easier for all parties involved, as your kids won't be torn between the two people they adore more than anyone else.
However, it is understandable if you and your partner do not have such a compromise with one another, and divorce becomes much more catastrophic for not just the people involved but their friends and family as well. In such cases, you need to remind yourself the very reason you decided to petition for divorce in the first place and never give up or compromise your own happiness for anyone else's sake.